My Journey Part 3

2009-present The "Journey" Begins...

2009 rolls around, and it starts out with a bang with spending a great time at a winter ski resort, with some friends. I had a feeling that 2009 would be weird, but with my somewhat bleak outlook at life, I figured the worst would always outweigh the better. I remember at the resort, met this girl who was gorgeous, and she was staying in the same cabin with me and all the boys. We all got drunk, it was an awesome time. Then of course, the call of the hot tub came, and I was hella down. I would never forget this, and the would be a catalyst of what would be the beginning of me really focusing on my weight. We're all in the hot tub and let me tell you, this girl's body was perfect, and all of us guys were definitely checking her out. For some reason, the focus came about me, and my man boobs when couple of my boys decided to put some hot tub foam on to my pecs, and let me tell you how embarrassed I was. And I knew then that any chance I had, if I ever did were over. When I came home, I was determined, and so I started to do something about it. So I really started to focus on a regimen for weight loss. I started with buying better foods. Still though, there were foods that I loved, that I didn't realize were bad for me, but after doing research on the Net, then I started to cut out some of these foods. I was also start being alot more mindful of what I eat. Even if was bad, I called myself out on it, and saying this isn't the best thing I've could of ate. I wouldn't punish myself, I would just say that the next meal I ate would be better. I started to read up on all things weight loss. Calories, carbs, proteins, fat, exercises, success stories for motivation, supplements, etc. But the first thing I did was to decrease my intake of my food, and I did this was alot of success. But a few things happened to me that I would like to discuss that led to the focus and determination that I have today.

2009 was the year Obama was sworn in, and despite what your party affiliation, you couldn't help but be proud of our country, but also the message that it sent. That in our country, despite the many pitfalls that you can fall into, if you really believe it, see it, and put your mind to it, can happen, and that's what the Obama presidency represented to me. So I really put this to heart, and was getting more focused on my diet and exercise. But also, 2009 is the year of the economic meltdown, and the company I was at really felt it. Sales were down, and the CEO felt changes needed to be made. So big boss, and my direct boss who really believed in me, and loved my work ethic and was promoted a few times under them, were fired. They thought they needed to bring in some new blood. So hired was a cut-throat Sales guy from a big time tech firm, and he came in with an agenda. He didn't understand my role, and I was too much inexperienced in what he was trying to do. But it didn't happen so fast, it was a couple months that I was under him before I was let go. But those two months sucked, and for the first time since I've been at the company, I really hated it. Our company was great, and it was a very great professional atmosphere and everyone loved the product. But like I said, he had an agenda, and he determined to weed out anyone that didn't fit his mold. He started by really micro-managing us, and it really became belittling. Every thing you can think of was being looked at, and with him not understanding my role, it led to alot of embarrassing moments, and worked just plain sucked. And like alot of us know, when work sucks, it takes your toll on you mentally. Even though I was doing ok with my nutrition and exercising, I was becoming very depressed, because even though I had gotten over alot of insecurities, and was feeling a little better about myself, I was still lonely and work was getting to me. I was deciding what direction I wanted to go career wise, and I was always intrigued by law school. I was a Political Science major, so law school was up my alley. I thought being a lawyer would be something I'm good at, and I wanted to have a career where you can really make a difference in people's live, and not just working for a damn quota. So I told myself when I would get let go, I would focus on studying for the LSAT. So as expected, I was let go, but I was OK with it. I was tired of working there, and I would of left alot earlier, but I definitely wanted to get the severance package, so that was the only thing keeping my motivated to come to work every day. The package was great, and getting let go was a good thing, because a college friend was getting married in Cancun, and I was working out and eating alot better by this time, because I really wanted to be in better shape for Cancun, and next year's reggae festival. So few weeks after getting let go, I was off to Cancun, and at this time, I was around 255. I was happy I was losing weight, but I knew that I had alot more to go. Even though I was a little more confident, and dropping some of my securities, I said fuck it, and took my shirt off on the beach. Had to go into the water, and it felt really good. I knew I definitely didn't have a beach body yet, but I was happier about myself. So a few weeks later, I was at the reggae festival, and I was able to get to 250 around then, and felt a little more confident. I hooked up with a girl there, and it felt great. And the whole vibe there is definitely rejuvenating, and I would recommend anyone to do something like that. So I get back, and I'm still really focused about everything, but something else would happen that would sharpen my focus. I had plenty of time, since I wasn't working, so I had no excuses to not being able to get in a workout or eat at home.

A few weeks later, my cousin had a massive heart attack was in the hospital for a month and a half. Dude was like my brother. We grew up together, and it really made and impact on me. At this time, I was definitely eating alot better. I was buying better foods, exercising more days out of the week, but still not satisfied with were I'm at. But the event with my cousin really impacted me, because he was 33, and was 6'3" 350. The only thing I could remember is my cousin and I eating some good food together at times. But what I remember the most was even though we would be eating these calorie rich foods, his portion size was so big, even I was like damn. But like me, he didn't pay two cents worth of attention to his calorie intake, and I believe that was the reason for his heart problems. His poor nutrition. They put him in a medically induced coma to help with his heart issues, and to drop his weight. Even though he wasn't responsive, I would go and visit him to get updates. I was studying for the LSATs at this time, and with this major event happening in my life, my studies took a back seat, even though I was scheduled to take them in a few weeks. What intrigued me was how they were feeding him during this time. They gave him through a tube, this medical protein (I think) and I remember asking them what it was. They told me the info, and they told me they had him on a 1000-1200 calorie intake a day on the machine, and my cousin was dropping weight fast. I started to think about this, and this was around the time, and really started to imply this too my diet. I was reading alot of info on calorie intake, and understanding how your calorie intake and your workout regimen was very key to weight loss. I started buy supplements like Acai Berry, and I even did a cardinal sin to many of the weight loss gurus I follow, and bought Hydroxycut. I was definitely eating alot better, and I was dropping weight, and I believe I was around 245. But this focus really came from the fear of one day, going through what my cousin was. I didn't want to deal with the problems that come with not being able to control my caloric intake in a day. This was a very depressing time for me with alot of pressure coming from everywhere, but I was still maintaining my diet. At this time, I broke my arm, so this hampered me from doing my bodyweight exercises. This is when my weight loss got stagnant, and this added to my depression. I even got back up to 250, and I was really not feeling too good about myself. But this was around the time I was definitely feeling a little more confident sexually, since I was having sex with some chick from time to time. She wasn't too hot, but like I was saying in Part 2, you have to practice with some minor leaguers for the pros. I can also say that my sexual confidence went hand and hand with my weight loss, and is one of the reason I believe getting over that insecurity was really key to my weight loss. You can say that this event became my second level of focus.

There was the woman I worked with at my old company that I can say that she was a great friend to me. Even outside the workplace, we became very close, and even though she was sexy as hell, and I really just at the time, wanted her as a friend, because she was a wonderful woman, and with my history of rejection, sure that she wouldn't even consider as a mate, so that mindset just kinda set in, and I was fine with it. I really enjoyed her company, and didn't want awkwardness in our relationship. But when I left the company, I did miss her. I saw her everyday, and I looked forward to it. But it wasn't until I was in Cancun that I realized that I really do like her. Weddings can really get you mooshy about love, and all I could think about was her. So I told myself that when I get back, I was gonna go for it. I had the fantasy in my mind that she wanted me to come on to her, and we would hook up. And she was definitely relationship material. So a few weeks when I got back, and some liquid courage, we were out drinking at a spot, and I laid it on her. It went really bad, and she of course, didn't except my invitation, and I was devastated. I really went into a depressive state. Not will I be intimate with her, our friendship would be hampered. But with that came another level of focus, and I wouldn't say it was out of revenge. That's too strong of a word. I'll say this would be more of proving all these bitches that dissed me wrong. I know alot of you feel me on this, because rejection sucks, and all men have to deal with it. But we deal with it more often than others. And I knew that my appearance was the only reason she wasn't feeling me like that. We connected on so many levels, but the main thing was that she was not attracted to me. She didn't have to say it. I knew. So that was a catalyst for my next level of focused. Because I didn't want to be rejected anymore because of my appearance. I liked hot chicks, and chicks like her could definitely pull better looking men than me. So I was determined to make sure that I didn't want to be rejected because of that reason anymore. Say you don't like my personality, my style, or something along that lines. But in the future, I wasn't going to be rejected because of my appearance. I was really focused now, buying better foods, eating for purpose, not for pleasure, and really getting in a routine of cardio that I really enjoyed. And now the pounds were shedding. Around this time, I dropped down to 240, and then, I was down to 235. After healing from my injury, I was really hitting the bodyweight workouts. I know I was really focused because I was constantly reading on weight loss theories, and supplements that assist in weight loss, checking out success stories. And as soon as I felt my arm was healed, I was hitting the bodyweights workouts right away. Even though my wrist was sore, and it did hamper my ability to do pushups, I found out that if I did fist pushups, my wrist didn't hurt, so started doing those, and was getting a great workout, and felt great that I could push through that. People were noticing my weight loss. And for someone who was working as hard as I am on my diet and exercises, this was awesome, and it was like a drug. I wanted more. And the best test is the mom test. Your mom knows you inside out. And throughout my life, my mom would always give me little comments on how I was looking. There was a few times that when I came home from college, that she commented that I was getting bigger. But recently, my mom has been from complimentary on my weight loss, and she said that it looked like I have dropped about 60 pounds since I've been home from college. But not just her, but alot of my friends were saying it, and I was loving it. I wanted it more, and I was determined more than ever. At this time, too even my belief, I was getting very confident sexually. I was feeling more predatory than I ever felt before, and confidence in the bed works wonders for you mentally. I had three women in rotation, and they were coming back for more. Now, since my girlfriend in high school, I never had a repeat customer if you know what I mean. But just getting over the sexual insecurity earlier made it easier for me mentally, and knew that it wasn't no big deal, just do it. I was loving it, and I was wanting more. So my determination to get a better body was keen. I was getting good at my sexual craft, and I knew that if I keep it up, by the time I get the body I want, I would be very experienced. Like I said, I was down to 235, and was really working consistently, and my diet was really good. Learning about the chemistry of our bodies really enlightened me to the biology of weight loss, and what basic principles that you need to lose weight. But even with that, I still had another level of focus, which led me to starting this blog.

About 10 days ago, I was feeling really good and confident. I had a steady rotation of women, and I was having sex more than any time in my life. I was pretty amazed by my sex skills, and my stamina was really good. A few times a week, I would often look for weight loss articles, and tips to help me along. I knew what I was doing was good, but again, I wasn't all that confident in my knowledge of my weight loss. And even though I was losing weight, and I was definitely seeing changes in my body, and getting compliments from friends, I guess you can say that I was definitely going at it alone, and was learning on a fly, and using my research skills to filter out the bullshit, and see what are the true dynamics of weight loss. From time to time, I would like to look at success stories, and see what they did to get where they are. I would suggest doing that, because it really helps to see people doing it, and know that it can be done. But I came across one, and the guy named was Muata. Reading his success story, I really loved what he was saying, and it mentioned he had a blog. I clicked on it, and there it was, Mr. Low Body Fat. You talk about a reading binge, I was amazed at the amount of info that was on this site, and reading Muata story was very touching, and his motivation for starting the blog really intrigued me. He stated that he was once a Big Dawg, and talked about everything I could relate to about being obese. But it was the way he tells you, it really can't help but motivate you. He talked about his experience, what he did to lose the weight, and how he maintains it, and what simple steps you need to do to lose weight. Like I said, he was obese to, and it's great to get info from someone who has done it, and still is. Again, I will say, GO TO MR. LOW BODY FAT! You will find tons of articles, and Muata is great about responding to comments, and that is very encouraging. I think I went through all the articles on his site in 3 days, and now, I'm more focused than ever. Almost zen-like. He reaffirmed alot of my knowledge, and I was more confident in my current nutrition and workout. It's a site for men, so he writes in our type of language. And reading everything on there, I became inspired. And the one articles series that I love was the Big Dawg series, which gave me the idea to start this. In this series, he talks to you in real talk, and doesn't beat around the bushes. But not only that, but just the plethora of info that he simplifies for us is great. But what was awesome is the info on what to expect on your weight loss journey. Even though, I was losing scale weight, and getting some definition in my body, the bain of my existence, my belly fat was still there. It almost seemed that everywhere else on my body was looking better expect for my abdomen, and that is kinda of frustrating, and I'm sure is one reason why some many people give up, because they don't see the results that they're expecting in a certain time. But he broke it down that this is expected, and reading about the biology of the body, and fat storage, I now had an understanding that for men, the belly fat is where most fat is stored in most cases, compared to women who carry it in they hips and thighs. And in most cases, this is normal in weight loss, and the belly fat will be on of the last things to go. Everything will seemed to be getting toned up, and your pants feel a lot more looser, but you don't see you belly fat swelling up like the rest of your body. This did wonders for me mentally, so now when I look in the mirror, I know that keeping up with me current regimen, with some little tweaks from the info from Muata, that in due time, I will lose the belly fat. So like I said, since finding his site, I've been more focused on my weight loss journey than ever. Since then, I've dropped 5 pounds and now weighing 230. I haven't been this weight since I was 20.

So in conclusion, I'm still on my journey. I'm currently 230, and losing weight consistently, thanks to my nutrition, caloric intake, and daily activities. I want to share with you my journey, so maybe you can be inspired to finally start taking control of your life. Hey, if your happy with yourself, then more power to you. But I can't imagine any person overweight in our society that enjoys being that, unless your an lineman for football. So stop lying to yourself, and make a change. I did, and I'm nothing special. My life has have the ups and downs, and I wouldn't change it for nothing. I'm a true believer in everything happens for a reason. I've been overweight and obese for my entire life, and I'm tired of being trapped in my current body. Even in the midst of my journey, I'm definitely a more confident man, and can't remember anytime in my life that I'm looking towards the future. I hope my story, and my site can help you on your journey, because trust me Big Dawg, the sacrifice you make now will pay dividends for you in the future. Take it from me, I was obese, insecure, and lonely. Now, I have never been happier in my life, even though I'm far from my goal body which is 205 (I was able to calculate the amont of lean muscle mass I have, and getting t 205 with get me to about 15-17% body fat. My mind has done a 180, and I know longer crave calorie rich foods. But if i do, I don't let it get me off track, and keep mind of it, and make sure that the next meal I eat will be a much healthier, low calorie meal. Just to give you an idea of where I am now, reading my story, I've could of easily just felt sorry for myself, accepted failure, and continue my current path of sadness and lonliness, just accept what it is. But there is a saying, "men do what the want, boys do what they can". What are you a boy, or a man? A few nights ago, I was having sex with this girl. I made her cum twice and pass out. Since I was not tired, I proceeded to toke a bowl, and play Call of Duty for an hour before I went to sleep. I sat there, and couldn't help but think, and said to myself, this is what life should be like. A few years ago, I couldn't have ever dreamed of that. More than a physical journey, weight loss is a mental journey, and you have to have a made up mind to say fuck it, and do it. I will try to show you my methods, and again, I'm no expert at all, and I will not try to act like I do. I'm just gonna keep it real, and hopefully, that helps you to start your journey. I believe this blog is a good way to keep me motivated, and hopefully help someone else.