My Journey Part 1

As you can see from my first post, I have a total man crush on Muata LOL. But again, I suggest that you go to his site, because of the abundance of inspiration articles, and great info. But mainly, he's a average joe, who was like alot of us, but decided to do something about it. This "Journey' that he talks about a lot is so true, and losing weight is a journey to a better you. But there has to be a lot of soul searching within a individual to decide to take this journey. It's all in the mind. Mind over matter is a statement that I love. With that said, I want break down my life in different stages for you, and I'm sure a lot of you can relate too. I apolgize, this series is quite lengthy, but I don't want to leave anything out. This is also apart of my process of weight loss, which is reflection.

Early Childhood - 1980-1994

My early childhood, I would classify as typically normal. Had a loving mother, father, and brother. Definitely had some things that impacted my life as a child, but life is life. I would say a defining moment in my life is when my father left, but I was not an angry kid. But I look back, and think how things could of been different if my father was around when I was a teen, because teen males especially needed a dominant male figure in their lives to help shape them, and put them on the right path. But that's another story. What I want to get with is my issues of being a fat kid. And we all know kids can be ruthless. I was teased heavily, and it sucked. I would come home crying at times, because of the teasing, but didn't have any idea what to do about it. I was a pretty active kid though, and it wasn't until I let go of my baby fat, and lots of fists fights, that I started to get more respect amongst my peers. I was a pretty active kid growing up, and was pretty athletic for my pudgy size. But I started to play my first love...baseball. And this was what gave me a lot of self confidence at my size. I started getting leaner, and I was definitely getting more attention from the girls. I sucked when I first started, but I stuck with it, and became a pretty damn good baseball player. In middle school, I guess you would classify me as one of the cool kids. I even became President of our student council. This was good times for me, but still, I did have insecurities about my weight, since even though I did lean out, I still had the bain of my existence. My belly fat. I hate that thing to this day, but as time is going on, I'm starting to understand that my long friend is gonna be gone sometime soon. But anyways, times were good, and I was entering high school with a lot of confidence. But this confidence would be short lived.

1995-2000 High School and a little beyond

In high school, I was so ready to play football. I always wanted to play pop-warner football, but I was always to heavy to play. But in high school, I was ready to smash mouths, and it felt great. But in high school, I definitely had a great time, and a lot of this self confidence was due to playing football. Like I said, I was very athletic for my size. When I entered high school, I believe I was about 5'9' 205, but I was a sub 4.9 runner, and played running back and fullback. With my size a quickness, I did play DL too, and was great there, averaging about 7 sacks a season. I was very confident in myself at this time. I was active, I was getting girls, and I was having fun partying, being one of the so called 'in crowd' at my school. Well, graduation came, and it was time to go to college. And I'm sure for a lot of my Big Dawgs, this is where things went downhill. I'm from the Bay Area, and went to college in Santa Barbara where I failed miserably. I definitely wasn't eating right, but I was not paying it any mind, since I thought I would never get hella big (hella is a bay area term). I was having a lot of fun partying and wasn't paying school any attention. This led to me leaving the school after one year, and returning home. This was the beginning of my weight issues. At this time, I did not believe I really had a weight issue, and even after my first year out of high school, I was in relatively good shape. But keep in mind, I had no bearing on nutrition or excising. I was always a eat what you want type of guy. And when I mean eat, I meant anything. And especially being a broke college student, you just eat what you can, no matter how bad it is, as long as it's good, and it feels you up. And with playing football, I didn't have to worry so much about what I eat, since I was burning alot of calories in practice and games. Well this ends this chapter in life, but the next few is not as good as my early years.

2000-2005 The College Years

I know that I said that I went to college and failed and came back home. And that did happen, and I know a lot of that stress led to my weight issues. After that year in college, I came back home, and worked, and lived with my mother. But working was something I did not like doing much, and I was figuring out a way to get out of working for a while. I know I disappointed my mother, and I was disappointed in myself. I would say this was one of the first times that I decided that i was going to do something I really wanted to do. I know I failed the first time, but I wasn't ready for college at that time. But this time I was. So I decided to say forget it, and apply to a 4 year university, away from friends and distraction, so I can focus on my education. And in all honesty, the whole getting my education that was not my priority for going to college. I pretty much said that what else better do I have to do? I can work these BS jobs, or go to a four year college with plenty of girls, parties, and why not get an education while I'm at it. For any one that is wondering if they should go to college, I would say that's a good reason. I know that might seem shallow, but any reason that you can come up with to decide to go to college and get an education is a good one. But one other reason that I thought it would be good is to get that degree and impress women. Because I know women definitely like educated women, and I couldn't wait to be out of college, and being able to tell a girl that I'm a college educated man. Hopefully, that can overlook my fatness. So with that said, I got accepted to Washington State University (GO COUGS!) and was off to college. Even though college was a great time for me, it was also sad. This is where my weight issues would get out of control.

When I got to WSU, I was just salivating at the fact that this was a great party school, with alot of great looking women. But as we all know, with being fat, comes rejection from the other sex. I went through a lot in college with life issues. But still, at this time, I was not mindful of my nutrition, and to be blunt, I didn't give a shit. I just figured this was what I was gonna be, but it will be fine, because I'm such a great person. I was rejected constantly, and I was definitely scared of rejection, because I was so insecure. When I entered college, I was around 230-240. And in the dorms, we had the cafeteria, and I would just eat what I wanted, and i definitely had a taste for calorie rich foods. But it is when I moved out of the dorms, and had to provide food on my own was when I really started to get big. But of course, like alot of us Big Dawgs, we had a skewed self image. I really didn't think I was all that fat. I was definitely a strong man, and even though I had alot of fat, i had alot of muscle, and for a man that big, I didn't have crazy man boobs, and i could do push ups all day. But I thought this was good enough to attract women, but when I look at it now, I was just fat, and they could tell I was insecure about something. In college, I ballooned up to 290 (I believe at one point, I was 300), and the girls were no where in site. I was very sad in college, because with the life issues going on, my grades were being affected, and at one point, I was on academic probation. But I was very lonely, and definitely wanted to company of a fine companion. In college, I believe I got with 4 girls, and had sex with one. Compared to some of my friends, I might as well been a virgin. And this was taking a toll on my mentally, and my self confidence plummeted in college. I was eating astronomical calories, because being broke, and having a taste for calorie rich foods, I probably consumed close to 4000 calories on average a day. Those dollar Whoppers, double cheese burgers at McDonalds, Cougar Country (Cougs know what that is) and a roommate that worked at Papa Johns, was clutch for a broke college student, but I paid the toll with a massive weight gain. With everything going on, I able to graduate from college in 2005, something I was very proud to accomplish, when I could of easily felt sorry for myself and give up. And I was thinking that even though I was a lot bigger, coming back home with a college degree, I would be diving in women. But this was not so, and post college life was going to be a big wake up call for your boy. Check Part 2 out.